NATASHA FALLENOVER BOG 10

My daily doings

Monday
You know I am far too honest. When newspapers publish review of my performances I don’t just pick out the good bits to put in advertisements. Take this one, critic said, “Uplifting”. Then he added, “ After five minutes I uplifted myself from my seat and left”.
Must have had pressing engagement. “Highly revealing masterpiece” said another. critique. adding. “Curtain went up revealing set with a copy of a masterpiece by Monet. This was best part of performance”. And, not forgetting, “The British Ballet could not have given a better performance if they had been performing in a community hut in the Outer Hebrides”.

Tuesday.
To Buckingham Palace, which is not in Buckingham like Windsor Palace is in Windsor , for garden party. I make gesture by taking along some “Hairy Fairy Cakes” as contribution to picnic. I meet Queen and Prince Charlie who remembers me from last investigature when he gave me Life Time Achievement Award for services to something or other, I forget what. Dim and Slob peer through railings and cheer when I walk past. No one asks me to dance.

Wednesday.
Dimitri phones to tell me about latest squeeze, Miranda Veranda, who he met in Mayfair’s hippest posh nightie-sorry nighterie- Drinkypoos. They spend nighterie together waiting for taxi. Wind up at YMCA. But guess what, she is ballet dancer person. Dim wants to bring her round. I mean Dim wants to bring her round for meeting so I can teach her a few tricks of the trade as they say in West Hartlepool. Little does she know I charge £2 an hour for lessons. And no cheques.
Thursday.
We fairies get a raw deal. I am a Sugar Plum Fairy and a hairy one at that. Today I read newspaper story that tooth fairies are demanding a wage rise. When I was six I got half a rouble under my pillow when a new tooth arrived. Today in your country it’s a fivver or nothing .and quite right too. The cost of chewing has gone up and have you seen the price of tooth brushes? Why don’t you call them teeth brushes unless the have them for peoples with only one tooth?
Friday
We all go on picnic to Hyde park. And I tell Dimitri, my choreographer, and Slobadom, my tour manager, my plans for King Kong-The Ballet. I tell them I am great fan of Fat Boy Slim so I am going to put Dim and Slob in prodiction of show as Tall Boy Short and Dim Boy Thick. They will sing duets and dance to frighten King Kong away. Shouldn’t be difficult.
Saturday.
When I was little ballet child my mother knitted me a swimming costume but it soon got holes in the elbows and knees, so I tell her to stop knitting swimming things and knit me a tutu. It, too, got holes in the knees. However I won wet tutu contest in Vladivostok and I was on my way as you say in Cardiff.
Sunday
Well here it is at last. “Take Your Horse To Work Day”. All over your lovely country peoples are riding their horses to place of employmental instead of using horsepower in car. Except it is Sunday and all places of employmental are closed. Try again tomorrow.

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

NATASHA FALLENOVER BLOG 9
My daily doings.

Monday.My cousin Laszlo is doing Europe and come for coffee. He tells amusing story of dining in Dublin. He say nice restaurant, great food but best of all wonderful waiter who pampered to every whim. Brought saucer for cup of coffee, fetched fork and knife, gave HP sauce from next table. After meal Laz thought, must give gratuity to waiter but could not find him. He asked manager for whereabouts of waiter. “Ah,” said manager, “That would be old Shamus-the best waiter in all Ireland. He is a very rare man. What we call a rarie, old Irish word for very special person. But he’s gone home and he lives twenty miles away. If you happened to heading north you could call in on him if you really wanted to show your appreciation.” Oh, no” said Laz.Twenty miles you say? It’s a long way to tip a rarrie”. Side split eh ?

Tuesday Grand opening of Natasha Fallenover Ballet School I go along to make speech and show pupils how to pas de deux on your own. Lots of celebs attend but Darcey says sorry cannot come. Touring with nice Wales girl. Dim and Slob show off their tights stall (50% off – one tight only) and members of Ooopsadaisy Ballet Company sell tickets for their next prediction- Swan Lake On Ice. The levitation scene has to be seen to be scene.

Wednesday.Walking through Hyde Park when my new mobile phone rings. It is cousin Laszlo.”Hello”, he says, “Lazlo here”. “That is amazing”, I say, “How did you know I was here ?” We chat for hours. I tell him time very long ago when I played in “Joseph And His Amazing Black And White Dreamcoat”. He comes back with funnier antiquedote, “ Did I know”, he says, “When philosopher John Donne said ‘No man is an island’, he overlooked the Isle Of Man?”. I say, “Why is a vote in parliament like Picasso painting?” He doesn’t know so I tell him,- “Eyes to the right, nose to the left and all mouth in the middle”. He laughs till sides split and has to be stretch red to hospital. Eye, nose and throat hospital, no doubt.

Thursday Man on radio says 50% of all road accidents occur within five miles of home. So why don’t peoples move ten miles away ? Anatole, my faithless producer, phones to chat about next prediction. He says there is too much sex and violence in the theatre so they are putting up signs asking for audiences to behave themselves.

FridayI am guest of honour at big do in city. Lots of fund managers, brokers, corporate chappies and loan sharks. We are here to celebrate amalgamation of the EU and NATO to be known under the acronym EURO-NATE. Too many vodkas and I sing, “Hairy Fairy” in street at 4am Police arrest me just as paparazzi take snapshots of me falling about. Dim and Slob hand out exclusive rights contract to ten photographers. We make a packet as you say in East Finchley.

Saturday Stock taking my handbag.

SundaySobering up. Read Tolstoy’s Peace & War backwards. Thinking of becoming suffragette in convent. Toodle pip until next week. Nat
Posted by Don Read at 07:03

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NATASHA FALLENOVER BLOG 9

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

My daily doings.
Monday.My cousin Laszlo is doing Europe and come for coffee. He tells amusing story of dining in Dublin. He say nice restaurant, great food but best of all wonderful waiter who pampered to every whim. Brought saucer for cup of coffee, fetched fork and knife, gave HP sauce from next table. After meal Laz thought, must give gratuity to waiter but could not find him. He asked manager for whereabouts of waiter. “Ah,” said manager, “That would be old Shamus-the best waiter in all Ireland. He is a very rare man. What we call a rarie, old Irish word for very special person. But he’s gone home and he lives twenty miles away. If you happened to heading north you could call in on him if you really wanted to show your appreciation.” Oh, no” said Laz.Twenty miles you say? It’s a long way to tip a rarrie”. Side split eh ?
Tuesday Grand opening of Rudemiller Fallenover Ballet School I go along to make speech and show pupils how to pas de deux on your own. Lots of celebs attend but Darcey says sorry cannot come. Touring with nice Wales girl. Dim and Slob show off their tights stall (50% off – one tight only) and members of Ooopsadaisy Ballet Company sell tickets for their next prediction- Swan Lake On Ice. The levitation scene has to be seen to be scene.
Wednesday.Walking through Hyde Park when my new mobile phone rings. It is cousin Laszlo.”Hello”, he says, “Lazlo here”. “That is amazing”, I say, “How did you know I was here ?” We chat for hours. I tell him time very long ago when I played in “Joseph And His Amazing Black And White Dreamcoat”. He comes back with funnier antiquedote, “ Did I know”, he says, “When philosopher John Donne said ‘No man is an island’, he overlooked the Isle Of Man?”. I say, “Why is a vote in parliament like Picasso painting?” He doesn’t know so I tell him,- “Eyes to the right, nose to the left and all mouth in the middle”. He laughs till sides split and has to be stretch red to hospital. Eye, nose and throat hospital, no doubt.
ThursdayMan on radio says 50% of all road accidents occur within five miles of home. So why don’t peoples move ten miles away ? Anatole, my faithless producer, phones to chat about next prediction. He says there is too much sex and violence in the theatre so they are putting up signs asking for audiences to behave themselves.
FridayI am guest of honour at big do in city. Lots of fund managers, brokers, corporate chappies and loan sharks. We are here to celebrate amalgamation of the EU and NATO to be known under the acronym EURO-NATE. Too many vodkas and I sing, “Hairy Fairy” in street at 4am Police arrest me just as paparazzi take snapshots of me falling about. Dim and Slob hand out exclusive rights contract to ten photographers. We make a packet as you say in East Finchley.
Saturday & SundaySobering up. Read Tolstoy’s Peace & War backwards. Thinking of becoming suffragette in convent. Toodle pip until next week. Rude
Posted by Don Read at 07:03 0 comments