Blog 16 My Daily doings and goings on
Monday
Popped round to see Olga at her new flat. She is kneeling on floor with map of UK. She is saving up for a table. Olga is preparing for her nationwide tour and checking geographical statistics. She is running her index finger (that’s the one tattooed with INDEX on it), along the A38 from Plymouth. Having traveled an exhausting two inches she gives up and says, with a question mark expression, “Nat, darling, where the hell is Euphoria ?”
I think I play little joke on Olga and tell her it is three inches away from Utopia. I leave her pondering.
NOTE: If you don’t know which finger is index Google it and get it tattooed so you will always know.
Tuesday.
Local record shop phones to say he has received copy of my favourite recordings collection. “Collected Recorded Works Of Grievous Bodily Leg” part 22.” They are favourite Plunk combo. I listen all ears wearing my black plastic tutu for effect.
Wednesday
My personal trainer, Step Lively calls and has me swinging from chandelier in effort to get me fit as fiddle. Afterwards we go for huge burger and chips plus cream cakes. This is only way he can keep me as his client. He says I am an inspiration. After keep fit sessions I think he means I am a perspiration.
I read in Daily Bugle that hardened criminal suspect is a trade union official and police say he must be caught before he strikes again. Chuckles all round.
Thursday
Must reiterate poem about Olga so as not to create impression that she is no longer.
I made up poem that went like this:
I once had a girl friend named Olga
Who decided to swim down the Volga
At Minsk she said “I will try a Minsk pie”
She choked -there’s no longer an Olga from Volga
She says she is alive and well. She wants you to know that Minsk is in Belarus and on rivers Svislach and Negiba. Be that as it is they don’t rhyme with Olga so there. !
Friday
Tell me do you say I or Me ? Everyone has I Phone but I call it Me Phone. I download latest App. HugApp. Press button and it makes you want to hug person nearest to you which is all very well if you are standing next to nice man but could put you in trouble with police if person is objectionable. Download now and try.See you in court.
Saturday
Rehearsalising with Ballet Babes-singing group from Oops A Daisy ballet. They are to back me on recording of "Hairy Fairy" with full orchestra under conductor man called Llewellyn. Apparantly he is cross dresser, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he is Lew and the rest of the week Hellen.
Sunday
Guest appearance in "Eastenders". Learn to say things like SOMEFINK and WOZATSUPOSETAMEEN.there is always a party at the Queen Vic and one is in full swing as I arrive. I ask props man what festivities it is this time. "I dunno". he says with sly grin. "I think someone has found a lost shoelace". Cheers, matey as they say in Queen Vic NAT
