My daily doings. .
Monday.
You Anglish miss so many opportunitities . I give example. You have rugby man called Austin Healey named after great British 1950 sports car, yes ? You have pretty film actress, Minnie Driver named after little British car , yes ? So how come they never made a road movie ?
Anatole, my producer, phones from Hollyhead-or was it Hollywood ? Says Speilberg wants me for big budget movie where dinosaurs take up ballet and prance around gobbling up all and sundry. I play hands on, up front, latest squeeze of Brad Pitt who fights off terrifying monsters with pen knife. I think about it. Not sure pen knife is right weapon for big budget movie.
Tuesday.
Limbering up (and down). We ballet divas have to be fat, no fit, and in good shape for strenuous roles. Spend five hours at the barre. Fall flat on face. Too many vodkas.
Wednesday.
EMI calls and wants me for a record with Robbie Williams and Coldplay. ! Suggest big orchestral version of “Hairy Fairy”, Robbie can sing first chorus, Mr Coldplay tinkle piano and I dance the rest. Should make big impact. Sell zillions. Big TV spectacular to follow direct from 02 with support band – Rolling Bricks.
Thursday.
Dimitri, my choreographer, brings me sketches for ballet routine for King Kong-The Ballet. At theatres all over UK they have the builders in enlarging proscenium arch to accommodate the big monster.(King Kong-not me, silly) First fifty rows of seats must go on health and safety grounds. Projected grand opening night May 14th, 2015. so plenty of time for rehearsaling.
Go to Abbey Rd studios and practice walk across zebra crossing in time for photocall. Scratch my name on wall next to Paul McCartney. (whoever he is). Stop traffic for two hours to get right stance for photo man. Traffic warden sticks ticket on my tutu. Says I must pay congestion charge. I tell him I personal friend of Borris Johnson, Mayor of London. With name of Borris must have Russian blood.
Friday
My friend Olga (Korzitzov) comes round and brings her American cousins,Hank and Yank. Explains that they are here doing tour of churches. Hank says he thinks British church people very magnanimous because they run competitions with big prizes. “How you explain we ask?”. “Well”, says Hank, “Yesterday we drive through Hampshire on way to Salisbury and see sign saying “Winchester Cathedral”. I tell Yank “hey, man, “Some competition eh ?”. “Crazy, man”, says Yank. “But what would you do with Chester Cathedral if you won it ?”
Saturday.
Dimitri says he refuses to sing song I like from 1940s America. Song called “I Walk Alone”. Dim says he cannot sing song about someone who wore cologne. Dimitri stupid. He in planning spin-offs of BBC Radio 4 programme, “You And Yours”. Spin offs will be called “Him And Hers, Them And Theirs”, and Mine And His”. No I don’t understand, either.
Sunday
Slob asked me to explain newspaper headline: Who’s Got A Taboo Tutu Under Her Tattered Tutu ?
I disclose riddle in next blog. Until them Glasnost and if you can’t be careful-be good as you say in Barnsley.
Monday 23 June 2008
Sunday 15 June 2008
Natasha Fallenover's Blog No7
Doings I have done
Monday
I fly to Paris for linch with Monsieur Sarkozy or Sarkozeeee as they pronounce it. My choreographer, Dimitri asked if he could come along. I say no. I am not having him getting up close and personality with that lovely Mrs. President. No way. As a novelty they gave us lunch on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, those stairs !. For starters we had frogs legs on toast, followed by fish and chips to cement the Entende Cordiale. Desert was Asparagus Cheesecake with snails pieces in a chilli sauce. Different.
Tuesday
Join Oopsadaisy ballet company in sing song to celebrate their 100th anniversary . They started in a tent in Cleckheaton in 1908 with just one ballerina. Now they have three and a piano player who was there when the company was formed. How they have progressed. I take along first batch of Hairy Fairy cakes as contribution to festivities. We have a right old knees up as you say in Bermondsey.
Wednesday
My friend Olga Korzitzov is back from the Urals with sad news of former choreographer, Rudolf Potemkin. Olga says he fell from his 35th floor Moscow apartment just before his death. “Just before his death ?”, I exclaim. “Yes,” replied dear Olga, who is two tutus short of a Bolshoi, “He died thirty seconds later”.
Thursday
My tour manager, Slobodan O’Riley is part time inventor man. He showed me his latest gizmo-singing umbrella. It goes like this. When rain hits special sensor, activation of mini CD player secreted in top of umbrella plays just one tune-Gene Kelly singing, “Singing In The Rain”. This provides inspiration for umbrella operator to run down street, miming to Mr Kelly whilst dancing and jumping on and off pavement/sidewalk (if you are in America). Dance past smiling policeman, splash through available puddles and bring happiness to community whilst getting soaked through. Whole neighbourhood join in. Good, eh ?
Friday. Working on my big book – big books bring big bucks says my publisher Hyme.(remember his autobiography-“Hyme To The Moon”. Slick title ,eh ?
What is book, you ask ? It is a biography. “Methuselah-The Early Years”.
Saturday
E mail from Hollywood. They want option to do “Methuselah –The Ballet” as a spectacle movie. They will then do a re-make thus creating a pair of spectacles.
Sunday
Read story about Keira Knightley in talks ( why does no one ever have just one talk ?) to be Eliza Doolittle in remake of film, “My Fair Lady”. Big question is will the movie be shown twice Knightley ? Side split joke.
Madonna is not returning my calls again. She didn’t return my calls yesterday or the day before. Maybe deal to team up is off. I get that nice Wales girl instead. She perfect for role of Meths so long as she is prepared to wear long white beard. No sweat as you say in Whitechapel. Why do people in East Enders say SOMEFINK and wosatsuposamean ?
Can’t they speak the Queen’s Anglish ?
Monday
I fly to Paris for linch with Monsieur Sarkozy or Sarkozeeee as they pronounce it. My choreographer, Dimitri asked if he could come along. I say no. I am not having him getting up close and personality with that lovely Mrs. President. No way. As a novelty they gave us lunch on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, those stairs !. For starters we had frogs legs on toast, followed by fish and chips to cement the Entende Cordiale. Desert was Asparagus Cheesecake with snails pieces in a chilli sauce. Different.
Tuesday
Join Oopsadaisy ballet company in sing song to celebrate their 100th anniversary . They started in a tent in Cleckheaton in 1908 with just one ballerina. Now they have three and a piano player who was there when the company was formed. How they have progressed. I take along first batch of Hairy Fairy cakes as contribution to festivities. We have a right old knees up as you say in Bermondsey.
Wednesday
My friend Olga Korzitzov is back from the Urals with sad news of former choreographer, Rudolf Potemkin. Olga says he fell from his 35th floor Moscow apartment just before his death. “Just before his death ?”, I exclaim. “Yes,” replied dear Olga, who is two tutus short of a Bolshoi, “He died thirty seconds later”.
Thursday
My tour manager, Slobodan O’Riley is part time inventor man. He showed me his latest gizmo-singing umbrella. It goes like this. When rain hits special sensor, activation of mini CD player secreted in top of umbrella plays just one tune-Gene Kelly singing, “Singing In The Rain”. This provides inspiration for umbrella operator to run down street, miming to Mr Kelly whilst dancing and jumping on and off pavement/sidewalk (if you are in America). Dance past smiling policeman, splash through available puddles and bring happiness to community whilst getting soaked through. Whole neighbourhood join in. Good, eh ?
Friday. Working on my big book – big books bring big bucks says my publisher Hyme.(remember his autobiography-“Hyme To The Moon”. Slick title ,eh ?
What is book, you ask ? It is a biography. “Methuselah-The Early Years”.
Saturday
E mail from Hollywood. They want option to do “Methuselah –The Ballet” as a spectacle movie. They will then do a re-make thus creating a pair of spectacles.
Sunday
Read story about Keira Knightley in talks ( why does no one ever have just one talk ?) to be Eliza Doolittle in remake of film, “My Fair Lady”. Big question is will the movie be shown twice Knightley ? Side split joke.
Madonna is not returning my calls again. She didn’t return my calls yesterday or the day before. Maybe deal to team up is off. I get that nice Wales girl instead. She perfect for role of Meths so long as she is prepared to wear long white beard. No sweat as you say in Whitechapel. Why do people in East Enders say SOMEFINK and wosatsuposamean ?
Can’t they speak the Queen’s Anglish ?
Saturday 14 June 2008
Saturday, 14 June 2008
NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG NO 7
Doings I have done
Monday
I fly to Paris for linch with Monsieur Sarkozy or Sarkozeeee as they pronounce it. My choreographer, Dimitri asked if he could come along. I say no. I am not having him getting up close and personality with that lovely Mrs. President. No way. As a novelty they gave us lunch on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, those stairs !. For starters we had frogs legs on toast, followed by fish and chips to cement the Entende Cordiale. Desert was Asparagus Cheesecake with snails pieces in a chilli sauce. Different.
Tuesday
Join Oops A Daisy ballet company in sing song to celebrate their 100th anniversary . They started in a tent in Cleckheaton in 1908 with just one ballerina. Now they have three and a piano player who was there when the company was formed. How they have progressed. I take along first batch of Hairy Fairy cakes as contribution to festivities. We have a right old knees up as you say in Bermondsey.
Wednesday
My friend Olga Korzitzov is back from the Urals with sad news of former choreographer, Rudolf Potemkin. Olga says he fell from his 35th floor Moscow apartment just before his death. “Just before his death ?”, I exclaim. “Yes,” replied dear Olga, who is two tutus short of a Bolshoi, “He died thirty seconds later”.
Thursday
My tour manager, Slobodan O’Riley is part time inventor man. He showed me his latest gizmo-singing umbrella. It goes like this. When rain hits special sensor, activation of mini CD player secreted in top of umbrella plays just one tune-Gene Kelly singing, “Singing In The Rain”. This provides inspiration for umbrella operator to run down street, miming to Mr Kelly whilst dancing and jumping on and off pavement/sidewalk (if you are in America). Dance past smiling policeman, splash through available puddles and bring happiness to community whilst getting soaked through. Whole neighbourhood join in. Good, eh ?
Friday.
Working on my big book – big books bring big bucks says my publisher Hyme.(remember his autobiography-“Hyme To The Moon”. Slick title ,eh ?What is book, you ask ? It is a biography. “Methuselah-The Early Years”.
Saturday
E mail from Hollywood. They want option to do “Methuselah –The Ballet” as a spectacle movie. They will then do a re-make thus creating a pair of spectacles.
Sunday
Read story about Keira Knightley in talks ( why does no one ever have just one talk ?) to be Eliza Doolittle in remake of film, “My Fair Lady”. Big question is will the movie be shown twice Knightley ? Side split joke.Madonna is not returning my calls again. She didn’t return my calls yesterday or the day before. Maybe deal to team up is off. I get that nice Wales girl instead. She perfect for role of Meths so long as she is prepared to wear long white beard. No sweat as you say in Whitechapel. Why do people in East Enders say SOMEFINK and wosatsuposamean ?Can’t the speak the Queen’s Anglish ?
Posted by Don Read at 07:16
NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG NO 7
Doings I have done
Monday
I fly to Paris for linch with Monsieur Sarkozy or Sarkozeeee as they pronounce it. My choreographer, Dimitri asked if he could come along. I say no. I am not having him getting up close and personality with that lovely Mrs. President. No way. As a novelty they gave us lunch on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, those stairs !. For starters we had frogs legs on toast, followed by fish and chips to cement the Entende Cordiale. Desert was Asparagus Cheesecake with snails pieces in a chilli sauce. Different.
Tuesday
Join Oops A Daisy ballet company in sing song to celebrate their 100th anniversary . They started in a tent in Cleckheaton in 1908 with just one ballerina. Now they have three and a piano player who was there when the company was formed. How they have progressed. I take along first batch of Hairy Fairy cakes as contribution to festivities. We have a right old knees up as you say in Bermondsey.
Wednesday
My friend Olga Korzitzov is back from the Urals with sad news of former choreographer, Rudolf Potemkin. Olga says he fell from his 35th floor Moscow apartment just before his death. “Just before his death ?”, I exclaim. “Yes,” replied dear Olga, who is two tutus short of a Bolshoi, “He died thirty seconds later”.
Thursday
My tour manager, Slobodan O’Riley is part time inventor man. He showed me his latest gizmo-singing umbrella. It goes like this. When rain hits special sensor, activation of mini CD player secreted in top of umbrella plays just one tune-Gene Kelly singing, “Singing In The Rain”. This provides inspiration for umbrella operator to run down street, miming to Mr Kelly whilst dancing and jumping on and off pavement/sidewalk (if you are in America). Dance past smiling policeman, splash through available puddles and bring happiness to community whilst getting soaked through. Whole neighbourhood join in. Good, eh ?
Friday.
Working on my big book – big books bring big bucks says my publisher Hyme.(remember his autobiography-“Hyme To The Moon”. Slick title ,eh ?What is book, you ask ? It is a biography. “Methuselah-The Early Years”.
Saturday
E mail from Hollywood. They want option to do “Methuselah –The Ballet” as a spectacle movie. They will then do a re-make thus creating a pair of spectacles.
Sunday
Read story about Keira Knightley in talks ( why does no one ever have just one talk ?) to be Eliza Doolittle in remake of film, “My Fair Lady”. Big question is will the movie be shown twice Knightley ? Side split joke.Madonna is not returning my calls again. She didn’t return my calls yesterday or the day before. Maybe deal to team up is off. I get that nice Wales girl instead. She perfect for role of Meths so long as she is prepared to wear long white beard. No sweat as you say in Whitechapel. Why do people in East Enders say SOMEFINK and wosatsuposamean ?Can’t the speak the Queen’s Anglish ?
Posted by Don Read at 07:16
Friday 6 June 2008
Sunday 1 June 2008
Natasha Fallenover's blog4
NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG N0 4.
Glasnost and utmost greeting to all and one
it is time to tell you more about my background. I assume you have all seen my front ground, yes ?
Did you know my great uncle Vanya was a bigwig in the hairpiece business ? You didn’t know that ? Well you soon will.
He used to tell the split siding anecdote about when he had travelled 1200 mile to see a customer in Urals and spent five hours making a pitch (as they say in the trade), he was getting nowhere. Then customer finally said, “O.K. I place an order with you but there is just one more thing I want to know. Can you swim in it ? Uncle Vanya overcome with exasperation replied, “No comrade, but if you turn it upside down and fill it full of water your goldfish can” Oh, how we giggled.
Monday.
Working with editor of Goodbye magazine to start competition finding song names for British town like America has. Examples-“I Left My Heart In San Fransisco,”
how about “I Left My Spleen In Wolverhampton” ?.”New York, New York” might become “Newcastle, Newcastle”. Or “Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans”, (could be equivalent of “Do You Know What It Means To Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy”*. “The Girl From Impanima” (yes I know it’s not in real America) This could be doctor’s favourite bossa nova when retitled, “The Girl From Impetigo”.
“Swansea, Swansea, how I love you, how I love you” by Al Jolson.
Please to send me your digestions...
* Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy was winner of the Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy beauty contest in 1932 and she certainly knew what it meant to her!
As you know Dimitri is my choreographer and my tour manager is Slobodan O’Riley (his mother, she travel a lot). To me they are Dim and Slob, which, come to think about it is very appropriate. They are my left and right hand men.
Tuesday.
It rains all day so take opportunity to put on tutu, ballet shoes and put up umbrella. Go out on street and practice “Singing In The Rain” to record of Gene Kelly singing “Singing In The Rain” on wind up gramophone carried by Slob. Pedestrians are much amused by this display of wet choreography and clap profusely. Dim hold hat and we collect £2.50 and three bent safety pins,. which come in handy as tutu is splitting several places.
Wednesday.
WE go take a look at Royal Opera House just in case we get to do ballet there some day. Big auditorium. Remind me of joke I heard at the Bolshoi in Moscow. This is it. What do you do when the orchestra stalls ? Answer is sober up the conductor. This good joke no ?
Puts me in mind of limerick which is Irish place but no relation. Goes like this:
A very tall lady named Gillian
Played the lottery and won half a million
She said “I would like
A big motor bike”
And she steered it whilst sat on the pillion.
Side splits yes ?
Thursday
I sleep all day and drink all night with pals from Oops A Daisy ballet company who want me for a fairy. I ask what would a fairy want with me but they insist I audition for part.
Friday
Audition for Oops A Daisy ballet company but fail on account of my bad bunions.
Saturday and Sunday
Contemplate my naval.
See you next week. Free Vladivostok now ! Love from Nat
PS hear me sing “Hairy Fairy”. OK. So I am a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.
www.youtube.com/donread
Glasnost and utmost greeting to all and one
it is time to tell you more about my background. I assume you have all seen my front ground, yes ?
Did you know my great uncle Vanya was a bigwig in the hairpiece business ? You didn’t know that ? Well you soon will.
He used to tell the split siding anecdote about when he had travelled 1200 mile to see a customer in Urals and spent five hours making a pitch (as they say in the trade), he was getting nowhere. Then customer finally said, “O.K. I place an order with you but there is just one more thing I want to know. Can you swim in it ? Uncle Vanya overcome with exasperation replied, “No comrade, but if you turn it upside down and fill it full of water your goldfish can” Oh, how we giggled.
Monday.
Working with editor of Goodbye magazine to start competition finding song names for British town like America has. Examples-“I Left My Heart In San Fransisco,”
how about “I Left My Spleen In Wolverhampton” ?.”New York, New York” might become “Newcastle, Newcastle”. Or “Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans”, (could be equivalent of “Do You Know What It Means To Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy”*. “The Girl From Impanima” (yes I know it’s not in real America) This could be doctor’s favourite bossa nova when retitled, “The Girl From Impetigo”.
“Swansea, Swansea, how I love you, how I love you” by Al Jolson.
Please to send me your digestions...
* Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy was winner of the Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy beauty contest in 1932 and she certainly knew what it meant to her!
As you know Dimitri is my choreographer and my tour manager is Slobodan O’Riley (his mother, she travel a lot). To me they are Dim and Slob, which, come to think about it is very appropriate. They are my left and right hand men.
Tuesday.
It rains all day so take opportunity to put on tutu, ballet shoes and put up umbrella. Go out on street and practice “Singing In The Rain” to record of Gene Kelly singing “Singing In The Rain” on wind up gramophone carried by Slob. Pedestrians are much amused by this display of wet choreography and clap profusely. Dim hold hat and we collect £2.50 and three bent safety pins,. which come in handy as tutu is splitting several places.
Wednesday.
WE go take a look at Royal Opera House just in case we get to do ballet there some day. Big auditorium. Remind me of joke I heard at the Bolshoi in Moscow. This is it. What do you do when the orchestra stalls ? Answer is sober up the conductor. This good joke no ?
Puts me in mind of limerick which is Irish place but no relation. Goes like this:
A very tall lady named Gillian
Played the lottery and won half a million
She said “I would like
A big motor bike”
And she steered it whilst sat on the pillion.
Side splits yes ?
Thursday
I sleep all day and drink all night with pals from Oops A Daisy ballet company who want me for a fairy. I ask what would a fairy want with me but they insist I audition for part.
Friday
Audition for Oops A Daisy ballet company but fail on account of my bad bunions.
Saturday and Sunday
Contemplate my naval.
See you next week. Free Vladivostok now ! Love from Nat
PS hear me sing “Hairy Fairy”. OK. So I am a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.
www.youtube.com/donread
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